Lately I have been hard pressed to find the courage or bravery to write.
There’s just too much you-know-what going on in the world that trying to write about it or anything else seems too daunting and simultaneously too trivial. And if I am being completely honest—I am scared about perception if I do step out and share. I have strong opinions and views, and often when I open my mouth, I am met by unbridled disbelief. With the current online temperature, I am scared of the vicious feedback that will come even if I just share my own life.
Let’s be honest, conversation doesn’t exist anymore. Majority of our “conversations” are really just one giant pissing contest and whoever can scream the loudest and the longest wins. This goes for everyone… All the non-recycling junkies AND climate hippies alike, the breastfeeding AND formula moms, the republicans AND the democrats. We are eating each other alive and we’re slowly starting to resemble a disgusting pile of chewed up, spit-out leftover garbage. What happened to open, honest, and TOLERABLE conversations?
And frankly, I am exhausted from it, and I fear I have begun to lose love for humanity because of it. Friends, there is just too much anger.
Too much hate
Too much ignorance
Too much sadness
Too much polarization
Too much separation
Too much stress
This past weekend, J and I left the apartment at 3:30 in the morning to travel nine hours to Pennsylvania for the wonderful marriage of our two friends. Watching the groom cry over his beautiful bride, seeing the wide smiles of elation stretched across so many shining faces, the tight hugs of congratulations… It was the perfect breath of fresh air that I needed.
It took me back to J and I’s own sweet beginning–all the excitement and gasping nerves and unbelievable exhilaration at snagging my man for forever. Through reflecting on the wonderful gift of marriage, I was reminded once again that God is sovereign, that goodness exists, that life is and can be good, even when humanity threatens to cave in and self destruct.
So I danced all night, took countless silly photos, whispered a lot of thankful prayers, and ate plates of yummy food with a ton of wonderful people. Through it all, I could feel the promise of goodness and joy bubbling around the tables, overflowing in conversations, exploding in mixed laughter.
And understanding that goodness exists outside of time and the influence of mere humanity is a promise unlike any other, a promise that I so desperately needed as I have cowered behind my own fear of man and quieted my voice to avoid disappointing loved ones. But no more.
Because when I fully grasp the truth of God’s sovereignty and His promises, then the weight of the world’s problems, people’s expectations, and humanity’s ignorance gloriously slides away and I am free to move forward with unwavering direction toward the task to which God has called me.
No more apologizing, no more wavering—move only forward, following only HIs voice.